Single Mom Worries…Reflections From The Kitchen Sink

Single Mom Worries

It dawned on me one day that my boys maybe would never remember my working a public job. They’ve got some memories of their dad being gone almost every day from before they got up until almost bedtime, but they’ve no solid recollection of my working. They were 8 and 12 when I took the leave of absence that ended up in my taking early retirement. They were 2 and 6 when I resigned my chief administrator position, and in my next couple positions my schedule was on more of a teacher calendar but more flexible, and that schedule, of course, had me home most days they were not in school. Why does this even matter? As a single mom, I find all kinds of emotional crevices and find myself trapped in many of those places.

I guess the closer my older son got to his high school graduation the more concerned I became. How in the world would my boys be able to respond to a rigorous work schedule with any kind of respectable drive when they’ve not had it modeled right in front of them? (Before you read this next question, remember I’m a woman who is comfortable with traditional roles…that’s why I stepped out of some leadership roles…we needed a parent at home more, and I was the mom…) How would they comprehend the necessity to give the proverbial 110% required to keep good jobs and provide for their homes? I mean, we’ve talked about it, but we’ve pushed through nearly six years without their seeing their dad drag in exhausted and fall asleep in the recliner holding his supper plate. Ugh.

I worked for 23 years in education. I was on the fast track for some pretty big things professionally when Michael and I married. Some of that made him uncomfortable, especially the fact that I made so much more money. (We made it work by my not drawing attention to it and Michael’s letting a little air out of his ego by the way.) It wasn’t long after that I had a few health issues redirect me, Michael and I started our family, and he experienced some personal growth, which turned the salary tables around.

The catch is I was in my 30s before the kids showed up. They missed all of the blood, sweat, and tears part. They were born into pretty nice homes and never saw they struggles or career building moments. Even now, they don’t see me work. The little dabbling I do with my writing is usually during the wee hours of the morning or at bedtime when they’re both settled into their little worlds. It was when I got to this part of my thoughts that I realized what my kids had seen…the a-ha moment hit.

My boys had seen a lot. They had seen a mom who bounced from play practice on one side of town to football practice on the other. They had seen a dad show up in dress clothes at the park even when it was the last inning of the baseball game. They had seen their parents regroup and downsize life a couple times keeping the kids’ needs and a few wants at the front of the priority list. They had seen their mom figure out how to shake the piggy bank to keep them where they needed to finish growing up. They had seen that Dad tried extra hard to be a provider, and they had seen a mom try to provide spiritual and emotional stability even though that meant making some tangible sacrifices. They had seen their parents be givers even during times that giving was maybe a challenge. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

My boys—who are now young men—have seen more than I realized when I started worrying about their transitions into manhood. As a solo mom, I often allow myself to get trapped by the thoughts of what my kids don’t have instead of relishing what they do. Well, okay…they will be alright. The sink chat wins yet another battle. I guess that means I can get cup two now…

…until next time…

FYI…For those of you who know Melinda personally, you know what an awesome mother she is. For those of you who don’t know her….she’s sometimes too hard on herself. She goes above and beyond for her sons and she has done a wonderful job with them. I know her life wasn’t the life she had planned for herself, but she took the hand she was dealt and she continues to amaze me with her strength, love, compassion for others and her writing. So glad you are a part of NanaHood, Melinda. I love ya!

Melinda Campbell – All Reflections from the Kitchen Sink posts are written by Melinda Campbell. Melinda is a retired educator who currently focuses her efforts on raising her two teenaged boys, advocating for individuals with special needs and against drunk driving, and serving in her local community. New Kitchen Sink Merchandise-Click Here?