If I Was Charlie Sheen’s Nana

On Monday, Charlie Sheen was fired by Warner Bros. from the CBS show “Two and a Half Men,” a role for which he was paid about $1.8 million an episode — the highest salary on TV.

If I was Charlie Sheen’s nana I wouldn’t be able to keep my opinions to myself. (Who am I kidding, I can’t keep my opinions to myself anyway) I would sit him down at my kitchen table, pull up a chair, look straight into his eyes and say…

1. What are you thinking? There are folks struggling all around me who can’t afford to fill their gas tanks up and you lose a job that would put the whole senior class at our local high school through college. Your paycheck for one show would buy food for thousands of orphans in third world countries. I hope you enjoyed the ride while it lasted because the way you have been acting I don’t think you will ever make that much money again.

After his Monday tweet looking to hire a “winning” social media intern, Internships.com reported 95,333 clicks within the first hour, visits from 181 countries and ultimately more than 74,040 submitted applications.

2. Evidently there are a whole lot of people who have more faith in you than I do right now.  At the rate you are going I’m not sure you will even be around to hire an intern. You seem determined to do yourself in.

The troubled actor was rushed to Cedars-Sinai hospital in Los Angeles early Thursday morning after suffering from “severe abdominal pains.” According to one source, Sheen had “a briefcase full of cocaine” delivered to his house, and proceeded to use copious amounts amid a 36-hour bender which involved partying with two porn stars and a bevy of other women.

3. Get help, Charlie. The people who really love you are scared for you. As your grandmother I will give you advice and pray night and day for you…but I can’t do it for you. You have to straighten up your life yourself. You are acting irrational. You are killing yourself with your addictions. Your television show was sinful and degrading to women. It was a horrible example of what a real family should be.

4. After you get out of rehab I would like to encourage you to do some spiritual soul searching. Find a church and attend it regularly. Do volunteer work in your community and reach out to those in need. Learn to put others needs before your own.

Grow up, Charlie. Grow up.

And that, dear readers, is what I would say if I was his nana. How about you?