Relationship Status: Reflections from the Kitchen Sink
Relationship Status
Most people, I’m guessing, don’t think about how a status change can be so heavy for a widow. Some people change their Facebook relationship status every other day, it seems. I know the first time I was designated as “single” by someone, I argued the point. The young man politely replied that it was my new legal designation, and my heart sank. Ugh.
Even at the tail end of year six, it bothered me to see the word “single” on my recent home refinancing paperwork. It just looks off to me. Here’s why—
1.) My identity for two decades was wrapped up in being married. I made decisions based on my faithfulness to my partnership. I didn’t do much of anything without consulting my husband. That wasn’t a control thing; it was a respect thing. I poured myself into being a half and surrendered my whole.
2.) I liked being married. I liked being a half of something meaningful.
3.) My late husband is still my kids’ dad, and we honor him daily that way. It seems odd to think about his not technically being my husband.
I will never forget a pastor friend sitting me down during year one and telling me I was free to move on. He told me I had fulfilled my role as a dutiful wife, and my life could start its next phase. I was too numb to even think about that then.
I also had a lawyer pal say a similar thing though he said to not allow loneliness to let me wander too quickly (he’s seen some crazy stuff), and he said not to marry without talking to him first about a pre-nup to protect my kids. Apparently the world is bat-poop crazy, and a lot of widows and widowers are taken advantage of. I’ve had the online messages pour in. I write about being a widow…that’s an extra draw for the stalking thief types. The high publicity nature of Michael’s death pulled the crazies out, too, as in the beginning many thought there would be some big cash come in. Have I already said “ugh” today?
Anyway…so yesterday, I signed 1,003 pieces of paper including a couple with the “single” box checked. This go-around, the jabbing part of that was different, but it still poked a bit.
I often encourage people to own their now and find the ways to be thankful for their situations. I guess today I will tell myself the same thing…
…while I finish this cup of coffee…
…until next time…
Melinda Campbell – All Reflections from the Kitchen Sink posts are written by Melinda Campbell. Melinda is a retired educator who currently focuses her efforts on raising her two teenaged boys, advocating for individuals with special needs and against drunk driving, and serving in her local community. New Kitchen Sink Merchandise-Click Here?
If you have time before you go check out this post about improving relationships with adult children from our archives.
