Reflections from the Kitchen Sink on What Comes Next
What Comes Next
When your life changes instantly like mine did almost four years ago, you’re afraid to let moments pass. You force things occasionally because you don’t want any “what ifs.” That can scare the poo-poo out of you and even the people who are part of your new life. I realize that now. It’s been a crazy couple of weeks.
I had some professional and personal things sparking and felt good about the progress. I was pushing the sides of my box making room, throwing things overboard, and maybe even poking a hole in the side. I felt the best I had felt in ages and even had a moment or two where I thought I was feeling better than ever in some ways. It was exciting and scary, but I liked the adrenaline push of it all.
Then there was a catch. About two weeks ago, Michael’s estate finally closed. (Yes, it took three and a half years.) That threw me into a centrifuge of emotions. I tried to ignore my moment to keep from hindering the nice movement I was feeling, but all I did was pretzel things though because in my effort to fake myself out and act like I had it all together, I scrambled some of the good by not just being upfront with my situation.
Life is such a game. I’m a rule follower, and I’m very competitive: those combined attributes can be pressuring.
After some emotional upheaval, I’m kicking the can up the road, the can labeled “What comes next?”
I went paint shopping a week ago. Today I put the color strips on the wall to study them for a couple days. When the switch flipped for me about three months ago, I figured out there was a restlessness in my spirit…a good restlessness. I want and need change in almost every area of my life. Now the challenge is to tame my zeal a bit, but I don’t want to tone it down so much I miss an opportunity that might make the second half of my life the better half. (Yes, I feel a little guilty saying that, but that’s my heart. I think there is potential for that.)
Taking the next step is going to be as challenging as standing in Lowe’s in front of the paint samples the other day. However, my nature is once I make my mind up, I’m going to give everything I’ve got to get the result I’m looking for. Relationships. Work. Whatever. So I’ve got my eyes on some of my favorite possibilities, and I’m going to start narrowing things down. It is time.
It is funny—not really, but that’s the cliche—how one piece of mail can put us in heart frenzy. It’s some more of the “you don’t know what you don’t know” that I’ve mentioned several times the last few years.
Holy cow, it took a lot of visits to the sink to figure this one out. Now if the sink will reveal what comes next, that will be great.
Fingers crossed I can backup and untangle what needs untangling now.
Until next time….
Bio: Melinda Campbell is a retired educator who currently focuses her efforts on raising her two teenaged boys, advocating for individuals with special needs and against drunk driving, and serving in her local community. Melinda has been gaining recognition for her writings labeled “Reflections from my Kitchen Sink” since the tragic death of her husband Michael in 2015. In her stories, she shares observations from her daily life including moments she has as a solo parent, a widow, and a woman who battles significant health issues including fibromyalgia and depression. Her goal is to encourage others through the experiences that are common to so many. Her practical approach to life’s obstacles has become a weekly mainstay for her readers from across the country.
