Reflections From The Kitchen Sink on “I’m Sorry”
“I’m sorry.”
Two little words that shouldn’t be hard to say but seem to choke us sometimes.
I was rummaging through some more papers the other day—no, I’m still not finished with the purge and reorganization—and found a couple of cards from flowers Michael sent me. One was a note of encouragement from a tough health moment. One was an apology for who knows what now. I guess it worked though.
It’s been four and a half years since Michael passed. For the record, I hate that phrasing. None of the verbs I can use to describe it are any easier though. That one seems to be the softest one. In the last six months, I’ve found I can say it without the same chest-tightening intensity. Anyhow…finding the flower cards made my mind wander. Yes, I went back to my kitchen sink talk, but that was just the jumping off spot for a whirlwind of memories that could’ve been the time attached to the apology. My guy was the tough redneck type. Apologies weren’t in his wheelhouse when we got together, and they seemed to be a challenge for years. Partly pride, partly arrogance, partly upbringing: saying your sorry can be misconstrued to be a sign of weakness. Much to the contrary, apologizing can be a demonstrative showing of strength and humility, a marker of maturity, and a surefire necessity in a grounded relationship.
There are just a few pointers I find myself sharing with young people who are considering marriage or have just tied the knot. One of those pointers is to not be afraid to admit you’re wrong. Another is to be able to acknowledge you’ve hurt the other’s feelings even if you’re right. Both these versions of “I’m sorry” moments matter.
Marriage isn’t easy. Committing yourself to another human for life is serious stuff, and you will make mistakes—both of you will. Saying “I’m sorry my words made you think/feel ____” shows love even in a time of conflict.
Another apology that matters in families is that of a parent to a child. I can still hear Michael saying phrases like “Daddy was very frustrated when you did (whatever), but I’m sorry I yelled at you.” I’ve said things like “I’m sorry I was short with you…I am very tired, but that’s no excuse.” Kids can learn a lot from seeing and hearing their parents own their weaknesses. We are human. We make mistakes. Demonstrating accountability for those moments is a huge teacher to our kiddos.
Finding that little card sent me down another lane of memories and reminded me of something very important. Now as a solo mom of teenaged boys, I need to up my game of explanations, accountability, and clarity in communicating. A part of that includes sincerely apologizing when things go haywire. That old adage of its not hurting to say you’re sorry really is true. Sincerity and thoughtfulness go a long way. I’m thankful for the nudge to keep that idea present in my home, and I pray it travels with my boys as they mature and start their own homes one day.
Until next time…
Bio-Melinda Campbell is a retired educator who currently focuses her efforts on raising her two teenaged boys, advocating for individuals with special needs and against drunk driving, and serving in her local community. Melinda has been gaining recognition for her writings labeled “Reflections from my Kitchen Sink” since the tragic death of her husband Michael in 2015. In her stories, she shares observations from her daily life including moments she has as a solo parent, a widow, and a woman who battles significant health issues including fibromyalgia and depression. BIG ANNOUNCEMENT- New Kitchen Sink Merchandise-Click Here
