Reflections From The Kitchen Sink on Positive Peggy
Positive Peggy
I struggled to write for others to read my thoughts this week. As much as I try to push through and be Positive Peggy, this time of year is hard for lots of reasons.
I am an immensely blessed person. I do not ever want my low moments to make folks think I don’t know that. I try to remind myself of it daily. The calendar works against me sometimes though. This is where the loneliness of being a single woman—one who doesn’t sleep well and gets up in the super quiet hours of the day—can be an extra challenge. In the stillness, one is forced to hear some realities. That can be pretty tough stuff even for the perkiest of the Peggys.
For those of us who have experienced the loss of our spouses, there are days on the calendar that always bring the plunging of the emotional roller coaster. I had never heard the term “deathaversary” until my husband was killed. Even typing it makes my chest tighten. It just so happens that Michael’s date falls in a string of big days, so there is a shadow on all of them. I try to turn the events, so the shadow is the smallest version of itself it can be; however, that day’s approaching looms around. Peggy can’t change that.
So what do people like me do? We fake it. We pretend things are okay. The more notches we put in our years-since belts, that becomes easier because the tears don’t fall so quickly or frequently. We have a little more control of the visible signs of grief. People are less perceptive to the metamorphosis of grief because their lives move on more quickly. It isn’t that they lose their empathy. It is simply that they don’t plunge as deeply into it, so they can get out of the foam pit of sadness with more ease. They don’t walk on the edge of that foam pit either, so they don’t fall in, get pushed in, or jump in by choice as often either. I know, you’re thinking, Peggy get away from the edge. If only it were that easy…
With the new year about it hit us, most of us are probably trying to think ahead. We set goals. We dream a little. I’m just wanting to get the next couple weeks out of the way to be able to have those vision casting moments. Even at my stage in life, I have some daydream moments, some things I would like to see and do. Maybe I will even get a “I love Peggy” tattoo…well, no, I won’t, but finding some positive excitement wouldn’t be a bad thing.
There you go. The whole thing circled. That often happens when I journal. Here I was worried about writing something fun, educational, or inspiring for someone else, but the end result was a cathartic one of sorts for me: there can and will be some dreaming days on the horizon. The calendar can’t control everything. My New Year will have a different date. Peggy just needs to be patient.
Peggy is positive it is time to disrobe the house of the Christmas decor. Packing away some memories will go slowly, but I will focus on the better memories as much as possible. One day or task at a time. That’s all we can do, right? Right this moment, the task is getting that second cup of coffee. Then Peggy can tackle to world.
Hope you find the happy in the new year. Press forward, be persistent and dream, my friends. Be a Peggy.
“Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. The desire and ability to press on has and always will solve the problems of the human race and divide those who achieve from those who might have been.” Jeffrey Fry
Bio-Melinda Campbell is a retired educator who currently focuses her efforts on raising her two teenaged boys, advocating for individuals with special needs and against drunk driving, and serving in her local community. Melinda has been gaining recognition for her writings labeled “Reflections from my Kitchen Sink” since the tragic death of her husband Michael in 2015. In her stories, she shares observations from her daily life including moments she has as a solo parent, a widow, and a woman who battles significant health issues including fibromyalgia and depression. BIG ANNOUNCEMENT- New Kitchen Sink Merchandise-Click Here
