Missing Someone at Christmas

There are so many people I know who have recently lost loved ones. That first Christmas, first birthday, first Thanksgiving after their passing is so very hard. When you lose someone you love you realize that the rest of your life will be different, but until you have experienced the empty chair at the table during holidays, the missing face at weddings, birthdays and graduations, there’s no way to know the depth of sorrow a life-time of missing someone can bring.

My mother died in 1990 and I still have a hard time at Christmas. Her birthday was December 23rd. She would often joke with me and say, “You better not give me a birthday present wrapped in Christmas paper!” I would laugh and reply, “I know better, Momma.”

When Momma was alive Christmas was an over the top experience that wore her out and had Daddy estimating how much everything cost. My brother and I just soaked it all up and reveled in her obsession with giving. No one loved Christmas more than Momma.

I think one of the reasons she loved it so much was because she grew up in poverty. On Christmas morning they got oranges and maybe some peppermints but that was it. There simply wasn’t money for presents. Momma spent the rest of her life making up for those lean years.

I remember being with her at her parent’s house one Christmas and she said “Come on, let’s go get some mistletoe.” I didn’t even know what mistletoe was but I followed along like a puppy. To my surprise she got grandpa’s rifle and we walked back on the farm. She pointed to the top of the tree. “That’s mistletoe and I’m going to shoot it out of the tree,” she said and she did. I didn’t even know she could shoot a rifle! It’s a memory I cherish to this day.

Christmas was a big production at our house and Momma was the Director. All during our childhood, though our teen years, and after my brother and I married our spouses….Momma put on the best Christmas Show Ever.

And then she was diagnosed with terminal cancer and one year later she was gone. Daddy didn’t care about Christmas or spending money on gifts. I had to step into Momma’s Christmas Director shoes and I wasn’t ready.

We got through that Christmas. I plastered a smile on my face and became the did the best I could do for my children, but it was heart wasn’t in it. And every year since then I have performed her role. It’s not the same as it was when she was alive but my children and grandchildren don’t know that because they hardly remember her. She died when they were so young. Oh how I wish they could have known her and how she did Christmas….my efforts don’t compare.

The sad fact is whether we are ready or not one day we are at the top of the family tree. If I am not in charge of Christmas then it won’t get done. No one who has a good mother ever wants to replace her.

I read a post tonight that is worth reading. It was written to those of you who still have their mothers. You can read it at this link. FYI- I’m glad you still have your moms. Be good to her. Spend quality time with her this Christmas.

Because no one ever, ever loves you like your momma. 

And to those of you who are missing someone this holiday season, I’m so very sorry. Stay as busy as you can, take one day at a time, and find someone who needs a helping hand. By focusing on others we can find comfort and joy in helping others.

Merry Christmas, friends. I appreciate each and every one of you who take the time to visit NanaHood.