I’m Always Right (Not Really)
I’m always right
It was exceptionally cold and windy this week and I went outside for a walk. I put on a jacket and wrapped a scarf around my head. My husband happened to pull up about that time and he said, “Oh, you are wearing my scarf.”
“No,” I said. “I’m wearing my scarf.”
“That’s my scarf that goes with my dress coat,” he said.
I calmly unwound it and showed him where it was monogrammed with MY initials.
“You should know better than to argue with me by now,” I said with a laugh. “I’m always right.”
This is a running joke between the two of us. After 40 years of marriage (this summer) we just don’t have serious disagreements.
While I was joking (sort of) about always being right I’m not ashamed to admit when I’m wrong. To prove it I’m going to share some things I was wrong about.
8. 40 years is a long time. There was a time when I thought it was, but I was wrong. I remember thinking my high school teachers were so old but now I realize they were definitely younger than I thought they were. There’s just no way to appreciate how fast time passes until you turn around and realize you’ve been married for 40 years. Or you attend you attend a high school reunion (Class of 1974). Or your baby has a baby. Believe me, 40 years goes faster than you think.
7. Mother’s Day (after your mom dies) will get easier. It hasn’t. This year makes 30 years since mom passed and I still miss her just as much as I did that first Mother’s Day after her death. I may not cry as much or as long as I did, but that gut wrenching “I miss” you hurt is still there.
6. I won’t worry as much about the kids after they are grown. Wrong. Now they have children so I worry about them PLUS their children. When any of them have a problem I TRY not to worry but it’s genetic. I just can’t stop. I give it to God….then I take it back and worry with it….then I give it back, repeat. I do not do well with worry. If anyone knows a pill that will cure this please share them with me.
5. I’m too tall. Another one of those silly things I thought in my younger years. I had all kinds of issues with my physical appearance. I wanted my hair to be lighter, my boobs to be bigger, my butt to be smaller and more than anything, I wanted to be shorter. Sigh. I was so dumb. Now I’d just be happy if all the aforementioned body parts weren’t the consistency of pizza dough. Being tall turned out to be one of the best things about being me. Now I look back at pictures and think, I didn’t look bad. In fact, I looked pretty good. Why wasn’t I just satisfied being me?. I
5. I‘ll never live in this little town. That’s what I said in high school and college. Guess where I live now? Yep. And I love it. Sometimes we have to explore the grass on the other side of the fence before we appreciate our own backyard. I went to the big city and came back home to the small town where I grew up and I’ve never regretted it.
4. I’ll never have kids. This was also something I said while in high school and college…before I met Bill. We had 5 within our first ten years of marriage and I wouldn’t trade them for all the gold in Fort Knox (there is still gold there, isn’t there?)
3.. Death is the scariest monster under my bed. I thought it was….but it wasn’t.
I was a sensitive child and started worrying about death way before I had a reason to. When I was about 7 or 8 my great-grandmother died and I think that was my first encounter with death. I didn’t like it. I was terrified. What if Momma died? What if Daddy died?
If you aren’t a Christian then you might choose to skip on to the next thing I was wrong about, Brussel sprouts, a much simpler topic, but I respectfully urge you not to. Give me a chance to explain.
I was raised going to church but it wasn’t until my mid-20s when I had children of my own that I realized I had been trying to coast into heaven on their faith. It took a major crisis (our daughter contracted spinal meningitis) to make me face the fact that while I attended church regularly I was merely going through the motions. You could call my daughter’s spinal menengits a “Come to Jesus” moment in my life because that’s what it was. We were told she might not live and if she did live, there was a good chance she’d suffer side effects.
I got down on my knees in her hospital room next to her crib and I prayed like I had never prayed before. For three days I watched my sweet 7 month old daughter lay so still that when they turned her, her face would be puffed out on that side where the fluid had drained. We never left her side. I called my parents and my grandparents and every praying person I knew and begged them to pray. They did. And eventually we got to bring her home. Today she’s fine. No side effects and she has 3 little children that I love and adore.
After that “Come to Jesus” moment I changed. Instead of just listening to a preacher I searched the Bible for answers to my questions. In short, my faith wasn’t what my parents had spoon-fed me for years anymore. It was my faith and it grew.
That doesn’t mean that my life was always easy. In the worst year of my life was right around the corner. In 1989 my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer and given one year to live. She was only 50. I wasn’t ready to let her go but cancer made it impossible for her to stay. By the time she reached the end I was whispering in her ear that it was okay, I knew it was time for her to go.
Because of her faith and obedience to the Bible and mine, I have the assurance that one day we will be together again in a place where there are no diseases, no tears and no broken hearts.
Life without faith and obedience friends, is the scariest monster under the bed.
2. I’ll never like Brussels sprouts. When I was little I would only eat tomatoes if they had sugar sprinkled on them. I wouldn’t eat salad unless it was doused with Thousand Island dressing. And I considered Asparagus a weed my mother grew in her big flower bed in the back yard. It did grow there but it’s definitely not a weed. Now I like asparagus and I love salads (with vinaigrette dressing) and Brussels sprouts. Our tastes, opinions, and thoughts change. I should know better than to ever say “never.”
1. I can’t possibly love grandchildren as much as I love my children. Of all the things I’ve been wrong about, this was one of the biggest. My love for my kids was so strong and fierce that I just knew it couldn’t be repeated in the next generation. WRONG AGAIN. It’s a different type of love but boy, oh boy, it’s just as powerful. I knew without a doubt when my children were young that if one of them wandered onto a train track I wouldn’t hesitate, I’d step in front of a speeding train to rescue them. As soon as my first grandchild was born I took one look at her and knew that Nana would jump in front of a train for her, too. Not only did I love her just as much, in a way I loved her more. She was the baby of my baby and that my friends, is why NanaHood is so wonderful. It’s the second half of the motherhood journey.
I’m Always Not Always Right
So, to my sweet, patient husband of almost 40 years. The next time you start to argue with me and I tell you I’m always right, you are welcome to remind me that there are some things I have been wrong about.
But I did get one very important thing right…..
I married you.
