When Nana Misses being “The Mom”

The Mom

My mother died way too young, she was only 51. She didn’t get to be a grandmother very long and she only got to meet the first three grandchildren. I often think about how much she would have loved my twins and my brother’s 3 handsome sons. Colon cancer kept her from spoiling all the grandchildren she left behind. I miss her every day.

One day when she was in the final stages of cancer my children were running up and down the hall making noise. The noise makers were Rachel and Justin. Rachel was about 5 years old and Justin was 3. I tried to keep them quiet because I thought they were disturbing her. “Let them make noise,” she said. “I envy you…I wish I were your age again with young children.” She said it with such a sense of longing that it broke my heart.

I knew what she meant. She wasn’t trying to make me feel guilty, she just wanted to turn back the hands of time and enjoy motherhood again. If a genie in a bottle had given me 3 wishes I would have used them all to make her better.

Remembering Mom’s Words

This past week my daughter and her family have been in Florida for a little getaway. My daughter, Rachel, has been so good to send me pictures of my grandchildren having fun on the beach. One day they went to Disney World and she Face-Timed me while they were riding through “It’s a small world.” I didn’t say anything, she couldn’t have heard me anyway because the music is so loud in there, but I knew why she chose to FaceTime me during that particular ride.

During Mom’s last year of life one of her last wishes was to take her grandchildren to Disney World, so off we went. I knew her time was running out. She was so thin and weak; we had to push her in a wheelchair. Just getting dressed and to the park exhausted her but she was determined to last the whole day. Her favorite experience was the “It’s a Small World” ride. It brought her so much joy to see her grandchildren’s faces as they experienced the magic of Disney. I still remember that moment like it was yesterday. I watched her through a sea of tears.

My world would soon be smaller because I was about to lose her. She was so much more than just my mother. She was a friend and confidante. She always had my back and loved my children as much as my husband and I did. We went to Disney in early June and she died the end of July.

So when my daughter called and I could hear the music and see my grandchildren’s precious faces…I couldn’t hold the tears back. I cried several more times that day and finally I had a talk with myself. “Self,” I said, “What is the matter with you? I know you are hormonal and prone to tears but this is a bit much. I think it’s more than just missing your mother….I think you miss being “The Mom.” I think you are just a tiny bit jealous.”

Could that be it? Was I jealous of my daughter? Truth be told I was. I love being Nana but at times I miss being “The Mom.”

After all I had worn the motherhood title like my friend Melinda wears her crown and sash when she’s cleaning toilets to remind herself that she is important. I was crowned Mom in 1981 when our first child was born and then again in 1984, 1987 and 1991. For years I had been “The Mom.” The one who changed a thousand diapers, fixed zillions of bottles and broke up hundreds of sibling squabbles. I missed my nasty van with sucker sticks glued to the carpet and finding rotten oranges under their bed. I missed night time snacks, stories before bed and listening to their precious prayers. I missed their corny jokes and their naive innocence. I even missed their stinking ball socks that they rolled up into tight knots and threw at each other.

Mom’s words had come back full circle to find me. “I wish I were your age again with young children.”

If you spend much time here at NanaHood or if you take a quick look around at this website, you know that I mean it when I say being a nana has been one of the greatest joys and blessings of my life.

But….

Now I understand better how my mother must have felt. Every year seems to speed by faster than the year before. I can’t go back in time any more than my mother could but oh, the memories I have of being “The Mom.” I hope each one of my children and their spouses will treasure every moment of parenthood, even the hard ones because no parent alive ever had perfect children.

That’s why God gives us perfect grandchildren. Right, NanaHood friends?

There is a new joy with being a grandparent that is a wonderful blessing too: watching your own children be parents. Not all my children have babies yet so I’m hoping for a new crop of grandchildren soon. And fortunately for me there is a cure for my not “The Mama” blues. I simply go grab one or two grandchildren and love on them until they get tired. And then I take them home to their parents and I come home and go to bed.

Psyhcology refers to what I’m feeling as The Empty Nest Syndrome. But my kids all live close so that really doesn’t apply to me. I’m not depressed that I no longer have little children. I’m happy that my grown children are able to know the joy of parenthood. I am just a sentimental sap who can cry over a Hallmark commercial in under 10 seconds. FYI-There’s a great Facebook group for Empty Nesters run by my friend Sharon!

Motherhood takes more energy than NanaHood and the last few months have sapped me. There’s no bed like your own bed and I’m so happy to be back in mine. Besides parenthood these days is very complicated….I would need a lot more B 12, coffee and energy drinks to keep up.

So I happily pass “The Mom” torch onto my daughter and one day, my daughter’s in law. Motherhood is a wild and crazy ride but I promise it’s the best job you will ever have!

Love to each of you!

Teresa

My daughter and her oldest daughter. She loves being “The Mom” and I’m so proud of her! She wears her motherhood crown and sash well!