The Truth About Laundry, Lizards, Snakes and Bras

The Truth About Laundry, Lizards, Snakes and Bras

I hate snakes. They are just creepy. They stick their tongues out at you and slink around like they want to bite you or something. I know most snakes are harmless but they still terrify me.

Fast Forward: Bill and I haven’t been out of town for a very long time (unless you count the hospital and I don’t) and not long ago we ventured down south for some chill time at the beach. The first day we arrived I was walking around out near the pool when I saw movement out of the corner of my eye; it was a long, wiggly, black snake. I tried to be friendly and told him very nicely that he’d better get out of my sight or I might just freak out and hit him over the head with a shovel. He didn’t seem to care and just kept sticking his tongue out and mocking me.

It was show time at the OK Corral. Would I back down, or would he? I enlarged the photo so you can see his mouth is wide open. He wanted to really bite me.

If you watch the youtube video and turn the sound way up you can hear me talking nicely to Mr. Snake. It didn’t seem to matter. He wouldn’t go away.

I ran in the house and slammed the door and locked it (just in case snakes can unlock doors) and I haven’t seen him since.

And Then There’s Laundry

Even when you go out of town for some R and R you still have to do laundry, right? Your clothes still get dirty and I hate packing so I don’t do a very good job. This trip I accidentally took one of my granddaughter’s t-shirts (3 sizes too small). I obviously didn’t pay attention and didn’t get here with enough clothes. There are worse things….a lot of worse things.

Anyway, one day I washed my clothes and was about to put them in the dryer when I realized it was so hot that if I just hung them outside for awhile they would dry faster. So I draped them over a table and chairs and went inside for a nap. (That’s what old people do for fun)

A couple hours later I woke up and went outside to gather up my clothes. I had showered and went about getting dressed when I realized that my bra ( i was in the process of putting on) had a live lizard in it!

A. Live. Lizard. In. My. Bra.

We have little blue lizards in Kentucky that run from you and quickly disappear. This was a BIG FAT orange lizard that didn’t want to move!

When I was much younger I could do a fairly decent shimmy. For those of you who don’t know what that is….

After my very intense shimmy session i threw the bra back out on the porch and ran back inside and locked the door. (in case lizards can unlock doors).

Bill was taking a nap and missed the whole show (if you could call it that).

I immediately fell across the bed and wondered if (like Fred Sanford) I was going to have the big one.

And That’s the Truth About Laundry, Lizards, Snakes and Bras

I slept in the next day and Bill had his coffee outside by the pool. 

“Did you see a big orange lizard out there?” I asked him.

“Yes, we had coffee together.”

“That’s nice. Did he tell you we danced together yesterday?”

“What?”

“Never mind. You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

I am sorry he missed the shimmy though. I haven’t shimmied like that since college.

Later in the Day

My husband worked on the pool so I could float around. When he said it was ready I donned a big floppy hat and jumped belly first onto a float. The hat fell over my eyes so I couldn’t see. I sailed smack into the side of the pool with my nose. 

My husband yelled, “Why did you do that?”

“Because I thought it would be fun to bust my nose on the side of the pool!” 

“I heard it smack all the way over here. That had to hurt.”

Yes it did. I got out of the pool and went for the Aleve bottle. 

There’s more than one way to get a headache.

(To see my daughter-in-law with a snake draped around her neck, click here) She is much, much braver than I am.