Dear Daughter, Advice from Nana on Baby #3

Dear Daughter,

I’m writing to you because our lives are so busy it’s hard to find even an hour to talk. You have a husband, seven year old, five year old, and a full time job that require most of your waking hours. Even when we are together, the children make it hard to carry on a conversation. You and your brothers were the same way. The minute I would get on the phone there was always one of you yelling “Mom!”

I distinctly remember one day I was on the phone in the kitchen (this was before cell phones) and your brother came running by and sat a glass full of liquid in front of me. As he is running off he yelled, “Mom, the toilet was plugged so I just peed in a glass!” I don’t remember who I was talking to but I quickly got off the phone. Before I could find him and give him a lecture about yelling at me while I was speaking with someone and why civilized people didn’t urinate in glasses, I picked up the glass and realized the liquid was cold. I sniffed. Apple juice.

Ahhh, the memories.

But back to why I am writing you. You are within weeks (days) of giving birth to you third child and since your dad and I raised five there are a few things I wanted to share with you. I know you know that your life is about to change (again) but I don’t think you realize just how much it will.

You were three and your older brother was five when our third child was born. Suddenly you were the only girl sandwiched between two boys. Your children are the opposite. Your son is about to find himself the only boy in the middle of two girls. I don’t know how your son will take it, but you adjusted wonderfully. It was me who struggled.

Three children five and under overwhelmed me. I loved each of you dearly but life was suddenly so much more complicated! Thank goodness my mother and grandmother were near by to help. If they hadn’t been I might not have gone anywhere until Baby Number Three started kindergarten.

Simply getting three children from Point A to Point B with all their stuff and accessories proved to be more hassle than I expected. It became easier just to stay home. So I did. I stayed home and worked on the never ending pile of laundry that stayed heaped in baskets next to the washer and drier. No matter how many loads a day I did, they grew back over night. I stayed home and cooked and cleaned, fixed bottles, changed diapers and then got up the next day and did it all again.

It. Was. Hard.

Bringing a third baby home is wonderful but it’s like starting a night shift job when you already work days. There are times you will be stressed to the max. You are “The Mom” but you aren’t “The Perfect Mom.” No one can be. Meeting the needs of three young children each and every day is Mission Impossible.

Our third child, your younger brother, once got left at school because his dad thought I had him and I thought he did. By the time we figured out our mistake his teacher had ordered pizza and they were about to have supper. How could we have done such a thing? At the time I was juggling way too many tennis balls and inevitably now and then I dropped one.

You. Will. Too.

When it happens don’t beat yourself over the head. Children are surprisingly resilient. If they weren’t they couldn’t survive all the crazy things we parents do to them.

Another thing I wanted to remind you of (even though you already know) is that each child is different. What works with one, won’t work on their sibling. This child will find a way to be totally different from her older siblings. It’s okay to notice the differences but remember not to ever verbally compare them. What makes them different may surprise, delight, amaze or terrify you but whatever it is, it will be okay. Celebrate each child’s unique personality. Even your identical twin brothers who came along five years after baby number three have distinctly different personalities. They may look alike on the outside but on the inside God doesn’t make carbon copie

Don’t forget to take care of you. If you give every bit of yourself away then there’s nothing left for you and that’s not a good thing. Mommas are like cars, they can’t operate on empty. Take care of yourself physically, mentally and spiritually. If you do this then you will feel God’s peace even when all three kids are cry and screaming at the top of their lungs!

One more thing, congratulations. Each and every child is a blessing. I wouldn’t take a million dollars for you and your brothers (that’s about how much it cost for 5 sets of braces) You are about to embark on one of life’s greatest adventures….raising 3 children. There will be good days and hard days but you will never have boring days.

I love you forever and always and as long as I’m living my baby you’ll be!

Mom