Things I Wish I Had Known

Remember Erma Bombeck’s great piece called, “If I had my life to live over.” If you don’t, click here to read it.

Because my daughter is getting ready to have her first child I’ve been thinking a lot about what I would do differently if I were going to be a first time parent. After you read mine you may have a few of your own to add. Be sure to share them by commenting.

Later today I will choose a winner for my Facebook Party. If you haven’t been there to LIKE it, go now and enter!

Parenting….What I Wish I Had Known

1. Treasure your husband and your marriage just as much as you did before you had children.

By the time I was 30 I had three children. I was also taking care of my terminally ill mother, my elderly grandmother and her sister and I started a new job. Guess who I wasn’t taking care of? Yep, myself and my husband.  Looking back I realize now that I would have been a better parent if I had been a better wife. I should have insisted on a weekly date night, but I didn’t. We should have made a point of going out with our friends occasionally, but we didn’t. There were years when I had tunnel vision. I was so busy just trying to get through all the things I thought I had to do, that I neglected my marriage. Bill and I have been married 31 years now and love each other dearly, but I know that when the kids were little I was more of a mother than a wife. I regret that.

2. Friends -I have always loved spending time with my girlfriends but when the kids were little, I neglected my friendships. Thankfully my besties still love me and now we are getting together more, but I should have made time for them long before now. Another regret.

3. Accept the fact that you will make mistakes. I heard a sermon once on “The Perfect Family.”  Basically, he said there wasn’t one. Which makes sense but for some strange reason when it came to motherhood, I wanted to be perfect. Why? Because I knew there were no do overs when it comes to raising kids. I didn’t want to have ANY regrets. The lesson I learned is that (at least for me) that’s impossible. Some of the time I knew immediately that I had made a mistake, other times it took years before I realized it. Regardless of who we are or what our background is, we are human and humans make mistakes. No matter how badly you want to be the perfect mother or father, you will mess up. Accept it when it happens and move on.

4. Trust your gut. Most of the time I did that and once, it saved my daughter’s life. Rachel was only 7 months old and she had just had her shots. The doctor thought she was having a reaction to the shots. I thought it was more. One rainy night at midnight I trusted my gut and insisted the doctor meet us at the hospital. It was spinal menengitis and for 3 days we didn’t know if our baby would live or die. I could give you an example of when I didn’t trust my instincts, but I think you get the point. There are things that moms just know. Trust yourself.

5. I should have let my husband do more when the first three children were babies. When the twins came along he HAD to do more because I simply couldn’t juggle everything I had been doing. I took care of the older three, but with the twins he changed more diapers, fed more bottles, and played more with them than he ever had the others. As a result they are extremely close. I should have stepped back and let him step up long before I did.

There are lots more things I wish I had known, but that’s a start. Now how about you? What do you wish you had known about raising children?