Thank You, Robin Williams

I was driving home and listening to the radio when I learned Robin Williams had died. Disbelief and sadness washed over me. It reminded me of when I learned Elvis had died. It just didn’t seem real. It was one of those moments you know you will remember for the rest of your life.

Why? Because even though we never met I shared many years of my life with Robin Williams. He didn’t know me, but I knew him. I watched every movie he ever made. I saw him countless times on television. That meant I knew him, right?

Of course not. All that means is that I knew his public persona, the side of him he showed to the world. I didn’t know the real person, the one his family and close friends knew.

Fame and Fortune Don’t Equal Happiness

There is a part of me that is still fooled by the illusion that the rich and famous don’t have problems. That’s ridiculous, I know. There are hundreds of sad stories of people who supposedly had it all but their reality was quite different.

I realized today as I sat in my car and trying to absorb the news of his death from an apparent suicide, that I thought of him as a happy person. Why would a happy person kill themselves?

I thought of him as a happy person because he made ME happy.

I adored him in Mork and Mindy. I watched Dead Poet’s Society a gazillion times and was inspired every time. I laughed until I wet my pants at Mrs. Doubtfire and Patch Adams, well it touched my soul.

But just because he made me happy…doesn’t mean he was happy.

Watching him in the movies and on television, it was obvious he was a genius but sometimes being a genius comes with a price. There was something about him that made me feel like he was on the edge of a cliff and that if he was pushed hard enough….he might fall off. His intensity and his crazy/funny humor was always entertaining, but I found it exhausting. He was a candle that burned too brightly, a song that was sung just a little too loudly.

Rest In Peace

Whatever his demons were, they are gone now. I’m so sorry for the loss his family is experiencing. I’m sorry for all of us who knew and loved him as an entertainer. But most of all I’m sorry for him. I wish he hadn’t suffered from such overwhelming depression that it caused him to despair.

I wish that someone who brought so much joy to others could have had peace within himself.

We will miss you Robin Williams and when I think of you I will remember the laughter you gave the world and the portion of your heart you shared with us.

God bless you for those gifts.

DEAD POETS SOCIETY, Robin Williams, 1989. © Buena Vista Pictures/ Courtesy: Everett Collection

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42 Comments

  5. Beautiful post. So true that line, “Just because he made me happy, doesn’t mean he was happy.” I think I’ve encountered people like this. They can be such clowns and so outgoing, but really, they’re using humor as a mask because they are struggling inside. This truly was a tragedy and I hope people who are suffering from the same thing as Mr. Williams will reach out and find a friend to lean on. 🙁

  12. Thanks for that very thoughtful comment Cathy. I appreciate you taking the time to write that and agree with you whole heartedly.

  13. I think everyone feels the same as you. The stunning news left my brain briefly paralyzed upon hearing it, but in almost an instant I realized the sadness in his eyes that I never before quite grasp until that precise moment. Like you, I was fooled by the false illusions that I conjured in my mind that Robin Williams was a happy man because he made me happy. I’m sad for family and my prayers are lifted on their behalf. Hopefully we can learn much from this and stand guard for those we love to not fall into the same pit of despair, as this man. May you #RIPRobinWilliams

  20. I couldn’t agree more with your heartfelt thoughts, they are so beautifully written. Rest in peace Mr. Robin Williams…your were a great talent.

  23. Hi, stopping by from Mama to 5 Blessings WW linky. Thanks for the link up, too and loved your post; well-written and heartfelt. His death was so sad and I feel the same way; I didn’t know him personally but he’s entered our homes and hearts with his movies. I was so shocked to hear about his depression since he did bring so much happiness to others so it’s painful to know he was hurting so much inside. Thanks for sharing this and now following on FB and G+. Sharing your post today on my FB page.

  24. I was just having a conversation with friends today about his passing, and we gravitated towards that notion of genius and madness not being far separated. Because it’s seems that those who reach these lofty heights of fame and fortune, do seem to fall. He was such a huge influence on me too – particularly Dead Poet’s Society – that’s what inspired me to be a writer. To think that he was so sad, in such pain, and had such a profound loss of hope just hurts my heart so much. But it just goes to show that you can never really know another person – famous or not – and we all should try to take better care of each other in this world.

  25. What a thoughtful comment! I hate depression too and your experience sounds awful! So glad you got through it. I just wish people who suffer from it could find the help they need. Thanks for writing and do come visit me again!

  27. It is crazy how in some of his movies he helps people that are or could be suicidal. Such as Dead Poet’s Society, Goodwill Hunting, and What Dreams Have Come. I to loved his acting! I wish our country could do more for depression. So many suffer from it.

    I’ve only gotten low once. It was a scary low. My young sister had a baby that was born, and died. I went home from college one weekend to see someone be born for the 1st time, and see someone die for the first time. We had a funeral right away, and I went back to college. Anyhow it seems so distant now, and blurry. I went for nights not sleeping at all. All my friends withdrew from me because I withdrew from them. I never want to go back there.

    It’s not me today.

    I feel for Robin Williams family. It’s good while he was alive he used his talent.

  35. Thank you for sharing this – I feel exactly the same way. So shocking and sad. You expressed so well.

  36. Nicely said, Teresa. I hope this tragic death sparks a serious national conversation about mental illness and depression. As a society, we have swept this issue under the bed.

  37. Teresa,
    Sharing this shock with your and all of us who Loved this genius.
    Often,
    such geniuses have demons that push them to the brink of despair,
    depression, and separate them from joy they give to others.
    And for all of us – especially those who go through tough times – Do Know that Only Love Remains.
    You are Love and Joy.

  38. What a shock and a sad day that his family and we have lost one of the worlds funniest, most enjoyable comedians, he will be missed, but not forgotten, may he R.I.P. My son battled with Bipolar ADHD and manic depression as well, so I know first hand how this can happen, prayers for his family friends and all those who will miss his presence here with us!

  40. Hari OM
    Merlinda, I see your blog but am unable to comment as your setup demands connections I am not prepared to authorise. Please know that I enjoy your offerings and that you have not been ignored. (Thanks to Teresa for using Disqus which now allows me to contact you!) YAM xx

  41. Hari OM
    Oh my – either I blinked or it has not hit the news here yet; what a shock. I had learned quite some time ago that he had battled life long advanced ADHD combined with Bipolar Condition – no doubt much more will be revealed in due course. Thank you for sharing your feelings – and the news. YAM xx

  42. You post made me cry. I am battling something too lately. Maybe not as heavy as his or maybe it is. I just want to get through this. So true that we dont really know people. RIP to him he is such a well loved actor. #ww

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