Reflections From The Kitchen Sink on Changes
Changes
These two photos are oddly related. I have made reference in a couple of blogs and in the preface of my book to a light switch moment. I didn’t realize it had taken place at the time—it took me a few days—but the evidence is seen in the first photo. The woman in the pic is different than the woman who had gone through the motions for such a long time. There was a hint of something new in her eyes, an energy that had the potential to change things for the better.
Her hair and makeup was literally pushing 36 hours of wear. Her clothes were a size too big so were baggy. She hadn’t had much sleep. I can’t remember the physical pain she experienced that day. (You build up a tolerance and stop keeping notes of that.) …BUT…something was different. 1,265 days after the worst day of her life, something clicked. (I’m too analytical for my own good. I think that’s been established. Just indulge my concrete-sequential nature for a minute or two.) She was relaxed though and happy…for real relaxed and happy…and the world didn’t seem to be able to jab her with the same effectiveness it had for years. The something new was something good. The “she” was part of me I didn’t know even existed.
From that moment, I felt a spark to do something. Like really do something. It was crazy. There was a shift in my spirit. A couple of folks close to me noticed. My kids were scared by it. My therapist celebrated it. Even some of my online friends tagged a shift in tone in my typed words. It took weeks for me to look back and see what other people noticed almost immediately, but in retrospect, I get it now.
I wrote more. I created a few new positive patterns of behavior. I took a couple professional-type opportunities I probably would have let pass. I bought a few clothes that fit. I ordered a dumpster. DING! We finally got there! My verbosity overwhelms me sometimes, too, but you knew I’d get to the big metal thing eventually.
I was ready for the rest of the weight to be lifted. I AM ready for the rest of the weight to be lifted. I have ZERO clue what it will feel like or look like, but I am intrigued. I want and need that something new that appeared that evening in late June back.
It’s been about 100 days since the real smile photo. Things have shifted. Smiles aren’t as frequent or as intrinsically real. However, the taste of change has my palate’s attention, so I’m going to push through the next few weeks with the accelerated drive that hit me that night.
I have a couple people pushing me: a texting stalker who asks if I have completed the task of the day as he has assigned it and a perky cheerleader who applauds even the smallest addition to the trash pile. Oh, the dichotomy of my circle of support.
Sometimes, we have to let go of things we are holding onto to take hold of the new. That’s not always a bad thing. Now to see if I can find that girl in that photo again. I was starting to like her. Maybe in the process of filling literal and figurative dumpsters the next couple weeks, she will come back for a visit. Maybe she will even tarry long enough to uncover a confidence that says something new is here to stay.
Even if she does come back, I’m sure there will be reflection time at the sink. Everyone can use some of that. Like me…now…with that second cup of coffee in hand.
…until next time…
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Bio: Melinda Campbell is a retired educator who currently focuses her efforts on raising her two teenaged boys, advocating for individuals with special needs and against drunk driving, and serving in her local community. Melinda has been gaining recognition for her writings labeled “Reflections from my Kitchen Sink” since the tragic death of her husband Michael in 2015. In her stories, she shares observations from her daily life including moments she has as a solo parent, a widow, and a woman who battles significant health issues including fibromyalgia and depression. Her goal is to encourage others through the experiences that are common to so many. Her practical approach to life’s obstacles has become a weekly mainstay for her readers from across the country.
