Reflections From The Kitchen Sink On Preparing For The Unexpected

Be Prepared For The Unexpected

You might remember my being called a “bada@$” recently by a young man who came to repair something here at the house. He was back yesterday, and I found myself having a mom moment with him. Partner that with a statement I made to one of my dearest friends, and here you go: today’s sink time reflection. It may sound a bit Boy Scout, but you need to be prepared.

Rumors circulated for months…well, years, if truth be told…about—among many other things—my finances after my husband was killed. No one who has access to my bank accounts made these statements, only “experts” on the streets. Nothing that got back to me had any semblance of reality; however, I am not going to spend my time chasing gossipers and trying to untangle the intricate webs they elect to weave. I don’t have the energy. There are some points of advice I can give though based on my experience though that I feel are worth the time and energy. Today I will share two of them.

1.) Be “stuff” efficient.
2.) Have ample life insurance.

The first one has come through my purging clutter. You see, my health hasn’t been the greatest. That’s why I retired back in 2012. In 1996 and 1997, I was told I had a couple debilitating things going on, and life would get more challenging. In 2011, it did. Long story short, from 2011 through 2014, I spent a lot of time in bed. Daily clutter happened. Then in January of 2015, Michael was killed. I had to finish moving from the house we hadn’t sold into the house we had just bought. With some help, I moved clutter into cluttered. Physically, I was spent. Emotionally, I couldn’t cope. Help came a couple times, but years and years of “stuff” can’t be managed in a few days.

As I have had sparks of energy this last year, I have managed a box or two. I have burned a ton, given a ton away, thrown away a ton…tons remain, however.

Then, the light switch moment I mentioned earlier this week happened. I wanted and NEEDED the emotional weight lifted. The only way to do that was to get through everything that was piled up. There are layers and layers to this, but the key point for this chat is that I realized I would never want to burden my kids with having to deal with all this stuff. We have survived for years with the belongings out of sight in boxes, so why in the world do we need to store them?!? I have become a purging monster. While my heart skips a beat if I find something that does matter ruined, it has been pleasantly cathartic to just throw things away. Yeah, my body will pay for it, but right this moment, I’m feeling it will be worth every bit of pain.

The second part focuses on provision for the future. My guy had a small insurance policy we signed up for when we first married. I had a good job, we didn’t have tons of debt, and he and I hadn’t had children yet. The face value seemed huge to us that day. Twenty years later cashing it in, it paled in comparison to our debt. (My guy was a spender. That’s another story, too.) I had two mortgages, multiple vehicle payments, and two furniture zero percent financing for the rest of your life loans, and nowhere near enough to pay for it all. We weren’t prepared. I still have the texts in which we were talking about finalizing plans for financial security from just weeks before the wreck. Michael said we had time. We didn’t.

I’m thrifty and zealously frugal. A lot of folks don’t realize how much so. My parents raised me to be gritty, too. With the guidance of a couple of guys, I make deliberate choices most of the time. I sold the other house for substantially less than it’s value, but that second mortgage had to go. I sold vehicles. I am making trip after trip to the consignment store with some of the excess that’s worth selling. I continue to rearrange the canned goods, and we are pushing forward. We have no other choice.

The last couple months, I’ve been saddled with multiple house repairs and some extra issues, but I’m paying the bills. When my little friend with the potty mouth stopped by yesterday with the not pleasant news about my most recent situation, I rolled my eyes and said, “Make sure you have plenty of life insurance. Don’t put your wife in a tight spot.” Then I told him to fix what needed to be fixed.

It’s just the reality of it all. You need to be prepared for the expected and the unexpected.

I may have given myself too big of a goal for this month. Tackling twenty years of stuff coming out of a serious grief fog is overwhelming to say the least, but the dream of peace is overriding the immediate physical pain of the task. I’ve not gotten to the hard core memory boxes yet, but again, the thought of making life manageable for me now and the kids later is staying at the front of my mind.

I will likely find my Girl Scout uniform amid the mess. I can’t remember if being prepared was one of the mantras of that group or not. It’s been a couple days…but I think I would earn a badge for this effort.

I am preparing myself for my new life and preparing for an easier closure of it when that time comes. We don’t like to talk about that stuff, but when you’ve experienced an early departure like I did with my guy, your mind opens doors of thoughts for sure.

Now, I will prepare my extra cup of coffee. I’m thinking my time at the sink is coming to a close for today.

…until next time…

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Bio: Melinda Campbell is a retired educator who currently focuses her efforts on raising her two teenaged boys, advocating for individuals with special needs and against drunk driving, and serving in her local community. Melinda has been gaining recognition for her writings labeled “Reflections from my Kitchen Sink” since the tragic death of her husband Michael in 2015. In her stories, she shares observations from her daily life including moments she has as a solo parent, a widow, and a woman who battles significant health issues including fibromyalgia and depression.