We Want To Be Remembered

This is a guest post by Serene from Australia. Please read her bio below and visit her blog!

Every week, one of the things my little ones look forward to is to talk to their grandma and grandpa (whom they call po-po and gung-gung) on Skype.

They’ll be perched in front of the computer, looking intently at the screen as we wait for the line to connect. And then once those familiar faces flash up on the screen comes the adoring exclamations of “Po-Po!!! Gung-Gung!!! It’s me!!!” from Nathan, while little Grace grins happily on as she tries to grab at the screen.

I find it so amazing that despite the fact that they live far away and we only see them about once a year or so, there is still such a special bond there.

It’s always an incredible feeling watching the faces of my parents light up whenever they are with my children.

I love mum and dad dearly from the bottom of my heart –I am so glad that my own children have the privilege and joy of knowing and loving them as well.

There is one universal truth I have come to observe and learn through these interactions: All grandparents have instinctive and innate desire to ‘spoil’ their grandchildren. And as my parents and I live so far away from each other, each precious visit becomes almost like an intensive ‘spoiling’ session for them.

It was a tricky situation to navigate at first. As a young parent, I wanted to get on with the business of parenting –and do it right. The grandparents on the other hand, seem to have a different set of priorities altogether.

Who is right? Who knows best? Where do we draw the line when it comes to deciding how to care for the little ones?

Grandchildren are pretty sharp at taking advantage of the situation too. They somehow know that grandma and grandpa can be their ‘good guys, their fall back plan and their bottomless source of treats.

So why do grandparents love spoiling their grandchildren? Is it simply because they can now enjoy having children without the responsibility of parenting? (Which is true as well).

The underlying reason why came from my father during one heart-to-heart we had over this issue…

Two years ago, my father lost his mother (my grandmother) to a silent brain haemorrhage. It happened quite suddenly and quietly in the night.

Then last year, my parents came over for an extended visit to coincide with the birth of our second baby. During their stay, we encountered a few rough patches and disagreements in our approaches. So one morning, my father pulled me aside for a heart-to-heart talk.

One thing he shared really struck a chord deep in my heart.

For the first time, I really perceived a little bit of what it must be like experiencing the sweetness and joy of becoming grandparent, yet at the same time going through the process of growing old with the gradually advancing sense of one’s mortality…

“I will never see my mother again, never be able to talk to her or sit with her”, said my father, remembering the death of my grandmother.

“The hard truth is, we cannot deny the fact that your mother I too will pass away one day. We don’t know when it will happen, or where, or how.

I know you will remember us.

But we also want to be remembered by our grandchildren.

Whenever Nathan thinks of us or remembers us someday, I want him to remember coming into our room early in the morning to cuddle in bed with us. I want him to remember us letting him play with our iPad and things. I want him to remember the special things we bought for him and the places we brought him to.

That is the reason why we do these things for our grandchildren.”

Over time, my parents and I have learned to allow room for plenty of understanding, give and take and setting boundaries in our relationship. I have to give credit for my parents for really being aware of our respective roles and getting our ‘okay’ with special treats and things (most of the time). And I’ve also learnt not to sweat too much over the small stuff and let things go a little sometimes with grandma and grandpa.

Do the grandchildren in your household have grandpa and grandma wrapped around their little finger? What favourite memories would you like the grandchildren to remember of their grandparents someday?

 

 

Serene currently lives in Perth, Western Australia with her hubby, her exuberant little boy and delicious baby girl. She blogs at Living Serenely on love, marriage, motherhood, parenting and everything else in between. She also enjoys sharing simple recipes, play ideas and creative activities from her family day care she runs at home. But her underlying passion behind it all is her love for sharing her daily discoveries, exchanging stories and ideas and making new friends. Do pop by her blog to say hello!