Does it take marriage to create a family?

I ran across an article this week that was conducted by Pew Research and Time Magazine. They conducted a survey that asked the following question, “Is marriage becoming obsolete?”

According to their study one in three children is living with a parent who is divorced, separated, or never married.

The article also states: About 29 percent of children under 18 now live with a parent or parents who are unwed or no longer married, a fivefold increase from 1960, according to the Pew report being released Thursday. Broken down further, about 15 percent have parents who are divorced or separated and 14 percent who were never married. Within those two groups, a sizable chunk — 6 percent — have parents who are live-in couples who opted to raise kids together without getting married.

39 percent of Americans said marriage was becoming obsolete (in 1978 just 28 percent believed that marriage was obsolete). According to the U.S. census (date was released in September) marriages hit an all-time low of 52 percent.

If marriage is obsolete then what do the people interviewed believe constitutes a family?

Listed were several variations including the following: three of 5 people said a same-sex couple with children was a family.

Other findings:

_About 34 percent of Americans called the growing variety of family living arrangements good for society, while 32 percent said it didn’t make a difference and 29 percent said it was troubling.

_About 44 percent of people say they have lived with a partner without being married; for 30-to-49-year-olds, that share rose to 57 percent. In most cases, those couples said they considered cohabitation as a step toward marriage.

The older I get the more I realize that my way of thinking about issues and problems in our country is not the way a large segment of our population thinks. I know my way of thinking is not always the right way, but I know whose way IS always right.

God says in Genesis 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

Marriage is an important part of God’s plan for creating a family and no matter what society says, that hasn’t changed.

Marriage is important because throughout the Bible the marriage relationship between a husband and a wife is a metaphor for the relationship between Christ and the Church throughout the Bible. In Jeremiah 31:32, God says “The time is coming when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and with the house of Judah. It will not be like the covenant I made with their forefathers when I took them by the hand and to lead them out of Egypt, because they broke my covenant though I was a husband to them.” Notice that God made a covenant with his people and then states that He was their husband linking the covenant between God and His people to the marriage covenant between a man and a woman. In Revelation 19, the wedding of the Lamb, which is Jesus, has come and his bride, the church, has made herself ready.

In Ephesians 5:28-32, marriage is discussed this way: “In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church –for we are members of the body. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two shall become one flesh.”


Thursday Thoughts: What’s Love Got To Do With It?

I once heard a woman say, “I don’t care what the question is…love is the answer.”  I think she was right.

At the small rural church I attend we have had a series of lessons on christian virtues based on 2 Peter 1:5-11. Each visiting minister spoke about a virtue and last night was the end of the series and it was about love.

Going to church to hear a sermon about love is sort of like going to hear one about sin; you know what to expect. Ministers are for love and against sin.

I’ve mentioned before that I am an avid reader; I devour books. Yet as a writer I know that there are no new stories out there. There are millions of books in the world and no new plots, so why do I keep reading? Because every individual tells the story differently.

I went to church thinking I knew what the minister was going to say, but I didn’t. Yes, he talked about love. Yes, he was for it. Yes, he quoted from 1 Corinthians 13. But the stories he told and the way he presented it touched me so that several times during the sermon I felt tears sliding down my cheeks.

I can’t quote verbatim what he said but he began by talking about the word “love” itself and how we throw it around like a Frisbee.  “I love donuts,” he said. “I love sleeping in on Saturday. I love rain when it’s dry and sunshine when we have had too much rain.” (While he’s saying this I’m sitting there thinking “I love cheese cake.”)

“But love is more than a feeling,” he said. “It’s something we do.”

He went on to tell the story of someone he had read about who went to the nursing home every morning to bath his wife of 60 years, change her bed and feed her breakfast. I looked across the aisle at a friend whose husband has Alzheimer and is in the nursing home. I see her heading out every morning and I know she is on her way to visit a husband who often doesn’t remember her.

Next he told about a man who when a earthquake crumbled the school his son attended he dug through the rubble with his bare hands for 15 hours, until his hands were bloodied and raw, to find his little boy. Other parents stood by and watched and told him his digging was futile, that it was obvious that all the children were dead, but he kept digging. After 15 hours the man heard the word, “Daddy?” and knew that it was his son. Later the little boy told him, “I told the other children you would come because you promised you would never leave me.”

I thought about a friend who recently had a miscarriage and another lady whose little girl has been on a ventilator for months. I thought about the children in Pakistan who have no food or drinking water due to the flooding and the little girl we sponsor in Guatemala whose father left her and her siblings years ago for her mother and sick grandmother to raise and wondered how I show (not just tell) them that God loves them and so do I.

All the talk about love started me thinking about marriage…probably because we have an anniversary coming up.

Today in the United States more than half of the couples who promise to love, honor and cherish each other until death they do part, won’t honor that commitment. How I wish they could have heard the sermon I heard last night!

In 1979 I met my future husband and in 1980 Bill and I were married. We celebrate our 30th anniversary on August 30th. If you had asked me in 1980 to define how much I loved Bill and the way I loved him, the answer would be different from the one you would get now. The experiences, the highs (the births of our five children, our daughter’s wedding, our precious grandchild) and the lows (the death of his father, his brother and my mom and dad), bind you together in a way that truly make two into one.  I loved him in 1980 and 30 years later I love him even more.

Love isn’t just a noun (a feeling). It should also be a verb (an action).  So what does love have to do with it? (and yes, that’s a song) In my opinion….everything!

I couldn't find a picture of Bill and I at our wedding on my computer, but here is one of us a few years ago at our daughter's wedding.

I couldn't find a picture of Bill and I at our wedding on my computer, but here is one of us a few years ago at our daughter's wedding.

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16

2 Peter 1:5-11

5.And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, and to your virtue knowledge: 6 And to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness; 7 And to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity. 8 For if these things be in you, and abound, they make you that ye shall neither be barren F3 nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9 But he that lacketh these things is blind, and cannot see afar off, and hath forgotten that he was purged from his old sins. 10 Wherefore the rather, brethren, give diligence to make your calling and election sure: for if ye do these things, ye shall never fall: 11 For so an entrance shall be ministered unto you abundantly into the everlasting kingdom of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.


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