Saying Goodbye To Our Dog

Last night while the whole family was gathered together to watch a basketball game we noticed Murphy, our Cocker Spaniel, was acting strangely. I called the vet and described his behavior and she advised me to bring him in to the office. I didn’t want to disturb all the grandchildren, so one of of my sons put Murphy in my car and I drove him to the veterinarian’s office.

On the way there Murphy hardly moved. When I took him inside he never whimpered. Normally when he goes to the vet he is a nervous wreck, complete with shivering and shaking, but not this time. She examined him and looked at me and shook her head sadly.

“He’s very, very sick. I can hardly hear his heart beating because he’s struggling so hard to breathe,” She opened his mouth and showed me his gums. “See the bluish color? He’s not getting enough oxygen.”

She asked me how old he was and I told her that he would be 14 in August. I could tell by the way he was acting that he wasn’t going to make it.

“If he were your dog,” I asked, “what would you do?”

I knew the answer before she said it.

“Are you sure he isn’t going to get better?”

She shook her head “no.”

“Then go ahead and put him to sleep but I want to be with him,” I said.

She carried Murphy into a little room that had a couch and I sat down and put his head in my lap. The vet left the room so we could have some time to say goodbye before she administered the shot that would make him sleepy, and then another one that would stop his heart. As it turns out, neither was necessary.

As I sat on that couch rubbing his head my thoughts traveled back in time to when he was a puppy, a black and white ball of fur. Our twins were 10 years old and their birthday was the day after Christmas. I hardly ever found them a birthday present they liked more than their Christmas presents, but that year I did. I gave him to them in a shoe box and it was obvious that whatever was in the box was alive. They took the top off and Murphy jumped out. He walked around, sniffed, then peed on the carpet. The house was now his, but his heart, well that belonged to me.

He loved the twins and they loved him but it’s almost as if he knew I was “The Mom.” He became my shadow. We went to the twin’s ballgames. I took him for walks at the park and when he was sick or needed shots, it was me who took him to the vet.

The last year or so Murphy’s eyes began to cloud and he developed cataracts. He was going deaf and often had trouble jumping up on the bed. His skin was very dry and he had to have medicated baths. If puppies are cute and fun, old dogs are a lot of work but when you love them, you take care of them come what may.

I kept rubbing his head and I was afraid he couldn’t hear me so I leaned over and spoke directly in his ear. “Murphy,” I said. “I love you and we sure had a good run.”

He took a few quick breaths and died in my arms. Of course I cried like a baby and as I write this I’m still crying.

Murphy going with me to the post office

Good Dog, Bad Dog, Our Dog

Murphy was not an angel dog. He barked at relatives who tried to pet him. He loved human food better than dog food and if we didn’t take the dishes immediately off the table, he would lick them clean. The last few months he had been having accidents in the house and I worried that the two year old granddaughter would push him until he snapped at her, but he never did. She couldn’t pronounce his name and called him Furfy. I know my heart will break again when she starts asking, “Where’s Furfy at?”

There are so many little things he did that I can’t stop thinking about.  Until recently when his hearing began to fail him he would always meet me at the door with a sock in his mouth. I’m not sure what the sock symbolized but he never failed to bring me one. If I went in a room and shut the door he would scratch until I let him in. He always had to be in the same room I was. He was my shadow.

Yesterday my sons dug a grave beneath a huge oak tree on our farm. We carried Murphy out in a white wooden box and right before my husband placed him in the open hole he asked me if I wanted to see him one more time. I nodded and looked inside.

There between his front paws was a sock.

I looked at my husband and he gave me weak smile. “I figured he would want one for the road.”

Rest in peace, Murphy. You were loved and you will be missed by all, but especially by me.

 

Related posts:

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  3. Making Your Dog the Star of Your Home
  4. Good Dog-Bad Dog-Angel Dog?

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18 Comments

  1. Thank you Teresa for sharing this moving tribute to Murphy at Inspire Me Monday at Create With Joy.
    As mom to many pets who have come and gone over the years, it does not get easier and articles like yours help me to process my losses.

    I share in your joy and your loss as I read your story and so do others who have loved a precious pet.

    Because of this, I am sharing your beautiful story as one of our features at today’s Inspire Me Monday party – #171 – at Create With Joy – and sending lots of love and hugs your way!

    Have an amazing week.

  4. Nana….I’m so saaad reading this but I know Murphy has gone to heaven where great and loved dogs are..

  5. So very sorry for your loss. You have really had a rough time of it. Blessings to you and your grandson. Hugs.

  9. Oh my, how ironic that we both experienced a loss at about the same time. I will pray for your aching heart! So sorry!

  10. I was afraid to read this…but did anyway…sobbing, with tears
    streaming down my face. Just yesterday, Easter, my husband and I had to
    make that same, very sad, decision. This particular pet, (family
    member), was our beloved cat, Lily, of 14 years. We had her since she
    was a little kitten, almost didn’t accept her from a friend, since I had
    recently lost my dearly loved cat, Bailey, and I didn’t think I was
    ready yet to take another kitten so soon. My husband and I never looked
    back and regretted the day she became a part of our family…she was
    such a loving cat and gave us so much joy! I called her my “lap cat”, because you
    couldn’t sit down without her immediately jumping onto your lap to
    cuddle! Our cat started having seizures, recently, so I took her to her
    vet on Wednesday…thinking she’d be treated and good to go for another few years, at
    least. Not so, the vet explained Lily was very sick with a heart
    murmur and arrhythmia. After doing tests, I was told she had failing
    kidneys and a raging bladder infection too. I wasn’t ready to let go…it
    was all too sudden…and the vet explained there were some meds she
    could try to improve her condition…if Lily responded, she might be
    around to love on for a while longer. I wish I had asked what you
    did…”If she was your cat, what would you do”…but, like I said…I
    wasn’t ready. At first, on the medications, she began to improve…but,
    then, very quickly went downhill. It was horrible, she could hardly
    breath…didn’t have the strength to move. We ended up having to ask
    our family, that were all over having Easter brunch, to please
    leave…we had to take her to the Pet Emergency…couldn’t even put it
    off until Monday for her vet…she was suffering so. This is such a
    difficult thing to go through…and we’ve had our share of sad decisions
    over the years. Our sweet girl will always be remembered for being our
    Easter Lily.

    I am so very sorry about your boy, Murphy, and I
    pray your grieving and healing will come…like I know, eventually, ours
    will as well.

  11. I know the pain and sadness of losing a wonderful canine companion. My heart goes out to you and your family, Theresa.

  13. I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m tearing up just thinking about it! I also pinned the poem, creating a new board called “When I Need a Good Cry”. *HUGS*

  14. I’m very sorry for your loss. We too went through this in December with our golden retriever . A few weeks later we lost our daughter in law to cancer also.
    I’m interested to see how your grandkids cope. We have one grandson who I watch every day so he was he with our dog and his aunt every day. He be 4 at the end of may.
    This has been very hard on him and he has lots of questions that we try to answer honestly but it’s rough when we are grieving ourselves.

  15. Thanks so much Helene. It is hard to say goodbye to a friend you shared your heart with!

  16. Thanks so much for commenting and sharing the link with me about your Goldie. I will definitely read! Blessings to you!

  18. I have tears in my eyes reading this. Our beloved pets are so much a part of our lives, it’s hard to imagine life without them. I hope you take comfort in knowing you gave Murphy the most wonderful life imagineable. Sending virtual hugs to you, Teresa.

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