Archive for Grandparents who are raising grandchildren (or helping raise them)
Multi-generational Families
Posted by: | CommentsSome of my friends moaned and groaned when they got their first AARP letter in the mail, not me. I was excited. Give me a chance to save money on something and I will go for it every time. I love discounts and if AARP can help me save a buck because I’m over 50, more power to them.
Last month they had an article in their magazine called “Do It Yourself Financial Freedom.” One of the last items on the list of things you could do to save money (according to the author Jane Bryant Quinn) was, “Move in with your kids-the last resort if all else fails. That should be motivation enough to get moving on your own plan for financial success.”
This month in AARP a reader wrote in and responded to that statement and I liked her answer so much that I wanted to share it with you. The letter said in part, “My grown daughters have invited me to live with them when the appropriate time arrives. In this multicultural world, I find Ms. Quinn is overlooking the millions of families who would consider it an honor that their parents would live with them. To all of us, and all of them, blessed are we to be loved and respected.” Edwyna (Fong) Spiegal
Every family is different and it’s naive to think that everyone in the world rejects multi-generational families living together. In fact, in many countries it is common for children to live with their parents until they marry, even when they don’t marry until they are in their late twenties or even thirties. There are also many homes where parents and grandparents are welcomed with open arms.
A couple of Sundays ago at church the lady who sits behind me and I were chatting. She informed me that her elderly mother was about to move in with her and her husband. Jean is about my age and works at a local factory. Almost every weekend her grandchildren visit and she and her husband bring them to church. When she told me her mother was moving in with her I commented, “You are going to be even busier, aren’t you?” She smiled and said, “I am really looking forward to having mom live with us. She’ll be a big help and we enjoy each other’s company.”
So to the lady who wrote the letter to AARP I say, “Amen, sister!” Michelle Obama’s mother moved in with her family and it’s working out just fine. When it comes to families living together there are no visible boundaries if love abounds!
Giving Thanks For Grandparents Who Are Raising Their Grandchildren
Posted by: | CommentsLast month I wrote a post about grandparents who were raising grandchildren. One of the reasons I did so was because of an article I ran across that said, “….in the last 10 years, the number of children living with their grandparents has increased by 50 percent.” Another article said, “According to the U.S. Census Bureau six million kids are being raised by grandparents.”
Wow, I thought to myself, I wonder why such high numbers and how are these folks managing? Being the nosy, writer person that I am I decided to ask. I posted questions on several different websites and blogs and asked friends to put me in touch with people they knew who were raising their grandchildren. I sent ten questions to the grandparents who responded and I’ll share those questions with you in just a minute, but first I want to say “Thank You!” to all who responded and to tell you) that today is Gratituesday (giving thanks on Tuesday) and I’m giving thanks for each of you and for the thousands of other grandparents out there who are stepping up to the plate for their grandchildren.
Here are the ten questions I sent the grandparents who responded to my request.
1. How old is your grandchild now and when did they come to live with you?
2. What are the circumstances that caused you to raise your grandchild?
3. How did other family members feel about the grandchild coming to live with you? Do they feel differently now? if so, why?
4. Describe your relationship with your grandchild.
5. Has this relationship affected your relationship with your other grandchildren?
6. What have been the biggest challenges in raising your grandchild?
7. What have been the biggest rewards?
8. What advice would you have for other men or women who are taking in grandchildren?
9. Who has helped you the most when it comes to raising your grandchild? (church family, your own family, neighbors, etc.)
10. What if anything did you do differently with your grandchild than you did with your children and why?
Answers to all the questions varied but there were some similarities. The main thing I noticed was that all these folks were happy with their decision, and even though there were challenges (finding the energy to keep up was at the top of the list) all of them felt blessed to be able to care for their grandchildren.
Here are some comments they made when asked about advice to other grandparents who may find themselves in a similar situation.
“Guide them without smothering and always remember to take time for a bubble bath or a cup of tea for yourself. If you are refreshed they will feel it.”
“Be sure you the legal authority to do what is necessary for the care and welfare of the child or children. We hired an attorney. We were first awarded “ex-parte” emergency guardianship. Later that was changed to custody. Laws in various sates vary, but we felt it was worth every penny to have an attorney who is experienced in family law.”
“My advice is: Pray, ask the Lord daily for patience, strength and wisdom; get plenty of vitamins, especially B-12 it really does make a difference. Teach them respect for themselves and for others. Today’s world is vastly different than when I grew up. You have to make sure that your grandchild feels loved and is grounded enough to stand tough against the temptations he will encounter in school and on the playground. Tough love is necessary sometimes, don’t be afraid to use it. Don’t be afraid to discipline your grandchildren. I know some people feel sorry for their grandchilds circumstances and then let them get away with everything under the sun.”
“It took me a while before I really understood I was now in a parenting role. That meant not just food and clothing and a roof, but protecting her even from people who may have been well-meaning but were damaging her emotional growth.”
I am still hoping to hear from more grandparents who are raising grandchildren. If you know of someone in this situation please ask them to contact me at NanaHood. From time to time I will be adding posts specifically for them.
Blessings to you friends! Have a great Gratituesday!
Grandparents raising grandchildren
Posted by: | CommentsAre you a grandparent raising your grandchildren, or do you know someone who is? The Brookdale Grandparent Caregiver Information Project based at the University of California at Berkeley Center on Aging has said that in the last 10 years, the number of children living with their grandparents has increased by 50 percent. After reading about this I did some research and decided to create a new category especially for these folks. When I run across articles or information that might be helpful to them I’ll post it here at NanaHood.
The article I read went on to say, “According to a survey by AARP, 31% of adults are grandparents. Of that number, 8% are providing day care on a regular basis, and 3% are rearing a grandchild. The 2000 U.S. Census reports that 6.3% of US children under 18, 4.5 million, live in grandparent-headed households. There are no parents present in the lives of about one-third of these children. In 2005, a survey by the U.S. Census Bureau noted that the number of grandparents raising their grandchildren had risen to nearly six million kids or about 8 percent of kids in the U.S.”
Not too long ago I was a grant writer and one of the grants I worked on required information about the living arrangements of students. It didn’t surprise me to learn that many families were living with grandparents, some with their parents and some without. Many single moms had moved back in with their parents in order to keep a roof over their heads. While this is not the same thing as grandparents raising grandchildren without any help, it can present many challenges too. Remember the show “Everybody Loves Ray”? Can you imagine living in the same house with his mother and trying to be a parent?
Here are just a few challenges that the article mentioned in connection with grandparents raising their grandchildren.
- They feel more stressed due to concerns about their own health and finances.
- Housing may be an issue if they are living in a senior citizen complex.
- The issue of medical care for the children is difficult.
- There is the loss of time for themselves and their dream of retirement dies.
- Their social life and circle changes drastically.
- There is also an emotional toll. Feelings range from fear, anger, exhaustion, resentment, grief, and shame to thankfulness and joy. This type of stress can damage a marriage.
Please send your comments or post them and I will be in touch! Blessings to you, my friends. For all you do for children!
