Grandparents who are raising grandchildren (or helping raise them)

Rally for Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

Posted by teresak on August 17, 2011 1 Comment

Some of the most touching messages I have received since I started NanaHood have been from grandparents who are raising grandchildren. They face so many challenges and often they have limited resources.

Not long ago I ran across some information about a rally for these grandparents and I wanted to share it with you.

National GrandRally

Gather with us on September 15th at 1:00 p.m. at the U. S. Capitol in Washington, D.C., as grandparents and other relative caregivers from across the country take part in the 4th National GrandRally.   The GrandRally is a powerful way to gain lawmakers’ attention and to focus on the importance of relative caregivers—the challenges they face and the contributions they make.   In the midst of scarce resources and a tumultuous economy, relative caregivers keep children safe and in stable homes.  The GrandRally will be an historic opportunity to celebrate, create momentum, expand awareness and build upon the success from previous GrandRallies.  For more information, visit www.grandrally.org email grandrally.yvonne2011@yahoo.com or speak with GrandRally staff at 215-844-4744.

If I Had My Way….

I would load up a van full of Kentucky and Tennessee grandparents who are raising their grandchildren (I live in Kentucky but near the Tennessee border) and take them all to Washington.  We’d take our time going and coming back. We’d stop and eat at a Cracker Barell or two and we’d show each other pictures of our grandchildren and tell stories about how smart, pretty/handsome they all are.

Since I can’t afford to do that I will settle for telling you about it, praying that grandparents who want to go can find a way to, and most of all that their voices are heard and that they receive the financial and emotional support they need to do their job well.

God bless grandparents raising grandchildren!

 

Bassgiraffe's Thoughts Thursday Blog Hop

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More and More Grandparents Are Called Upon To Raise Their Grandchildren

Posted by teresak on July 22, 2011 13 Comments

In Kentucky (where I live) new  figures show nearly 87,000 Kentucky children are being raised by grandparents.

According to the article I read, experts who follow the situation point to struggles with drug and alcohol addiction as among the reasons grandparents are stepping up to replace absentee parents.

Other causes include abuse or neglect, and the death, illness or imprisonment of parents.
The 2010 census found that 86,788 Kentucky children under age 18 were living with grandparents identified as the head of households.

That’s a lot of folks whose life plans have been altered and a lot of children who have to adjust to life without a mom or dad in the picture.

In many cases, grandparents who once thought they were done with parental duties are finding themselves changing diapers.

The 2010 census found that 22,874 children under age 3 are living with grandparents. (Makes me tired just to think about it!)

On the other end of the spectrum, 20,392 children between ages 12 and 17 are being cared for by grandparents.

Kentucky isn’t the only state where this is happening. Many of my NanaHood visitors are grandparents raising their grandchildren.

Some of them are struggling financially. Some are fighting for custody. Some are physically exhausted.

I wish I had a magic wand and I could wave it around and make the world right for these children and grandparents. Unfortunately the world we live in is so far from perfect the best I can do is to make your stories known. Share them with me and I’ll share them with my readers, my government representatives and any media outlet who will listen. Make your needs ( and your grandchildren’s needs) known!

Remember the squeaky wheel? In this tough economy grandparent’s raising grandchildren need to squeak louder!

Email me your stories at teresa@nanahood.com  All names will be changed or not published according to your wishes.

Blessings to you for what you do! You are making a difference in your grandchildrens lives!

#ff63e0

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Raising Your Grandchildren

Posted by teresak on January 21, 2011 10 Comments

I visit a lot of blogs and really enjoy reading other folks writing. Today we have a guest post written by John Lunn. John is raising his grandchildren and his blog is one of my favorites. Please welcome him to NanaHood and after you read his post, visit his site. It’s really cool! Teresa

First meet John….

My wife and I are raising three grandsons (and their father) along with 3 dogs, all under a not-so-large New Hampshire roof. After getting full custody a year ago, he couldn’t afford to raise them in anything but abject poverty so we had them all permanently move in here. Not that we could afford it, either. We cashed our retirement savings and built bedrooms in our cellar, put off retiring or having a vacation until we’re dead, and became one big messy multigenerational family. I work at home as a novelist and flutemaker/sculptor and have the closest relationship with the boys. That makes me primary caregiver and chief bottle washer. My wife is a canine behavior specialist at a regional animal shelter and our son sells shoes. Together we try and keep the lid on 3 wild and lovable boys.

Website: http://www.johnlunn.com

Blog: http:// grampyslittleacre.blogspot.com

john_lunn

You Know You’re Reparenting When…

As a grandfather I saw the kids most weeks all their lives and indulged them when I did. That’s the beauty part of taking them for a day and then going home. Your time is their time until you return to the sanity of your quiet life. For those of us who’s bubble got burst and the kids descended for keeps and you’re not sure if they’ll ever leave, here are some clues to help figure that out:

- The Yahtzee dice cup is full of milk at the dinner table.

- You haven’t seen the news on TV in weeks and know the name of the squirrel on Spongebob (Come on…you know who she is.).

- You can’t believe you’re arguing with a nine year old about staying up an extra 5 minutes.

- You start feeling guilty about spending money only on yourself.

- You’ve started a project in your “workshop”, that special getaway room in the cellar that you hadn’t seen the previous god knows how many years.

- That indistinguishable mass of faces you saw when picking your grandkids up at school are getting so familiar you’re starting saying hi.

- You realize while eating a half finished sandwich that it didn’t come from your plate.

- The name ‘grampy’ or ‘gramma’ doesn’t roll off their tongues with quite so much affection as it used to.

- While grooming, you work around the globs of toothpaste surrounding the bathroom sink instead of automatically cleaning them up.

- You can’t remember when there wasn’t a baby seat in your car.

- You automatically give the sofa a once over for foreign objects before sitting down.

- There’s a big stain on your shirt and you go to the store without changing, saying ‘Who cares?’

- You prefer hearing  “thank you, Grampy” and “Yes, Nana” to “I love you, Grandma.” (This is a close one but you know what I mean!)

If you are raising grandchildren I bet you can name some of your own…

Thanks John!  To all the grandparents who are helping raise grandchildren…May the good Lord bless you and keep you in His care!


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Multi-generational Families

Posted by teresak on May 12, 2010 2 Comments

Some of my friends moaned and groaned when they got their first AARP letter in the mail, not me. I was excited. Give me a chance to save money on something and I will go for it every time. I love discounts and if AARP can help me save a buck because I’m over 50, more power to them.

Last month they had an article in their magazine called “Do It Yourself Financial Freedom.”  One of the last items on the list of things you could do to save money (according to the author Jane Bryant Quinn) was, “Move in with your kids-the last resort if all else fails. That should be motivation enough to get moving on your own plan for financial success.”

This month in AARP a reader wrote in and responded to that statement and I liked her answer so much that I wanted to share it with you. The letter said in part, “My grown daughters have invited me to live with them when the appropriate time arrives. In this multicultural world, I find Ms. Quinn is overlooking the millions of families who would consider it an honor that their parents would live with them. To all of us, and all of them, blessed are we to be loved and respected.”  Edwyna (Fong) Spiegal

Every family is different and it’s naive to think that everyone in the world rejects multi-generational families living together.  In fact, in many countries it is common for children to live with their parents until they marry, even when they don’t marry until they are in their late twenties or even thirties. There are also many homes where parents and grandparents are welcomed with open arms.

A couple of Sundays ago at church the lady who sits behind me and I were chatting. She informed me that her elderly mother was about to move in with her and her husband. Jean is about my age and works at a local factory. Almost every weekend her grandchildren visit and she and her husband bring them to church. When she told me her mother was moving in with her I commented, “You are going to be even busier, aren’t you?”  She smiled and said, “I am really looking forward to having mom live with us. She’ll be a big help and we enjoy each other’s company.”

So to the lady who wrote the letter to AARP I say, “Amen, sister!”  Michelle Obama’s mother moved in with her family and it’s working out just fine. When it comes to families living together there are no visible boundaries if love abounds!

parkbench

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Giving Thanks For Grandparents Who Are Raising Their Grandchildren

Posted by teresak on January 19, 2010 2 Comments

Last month I wrote a post about grandparents who were raising grandchildren. One of the reasons I did so was because of an article I ran across that said, “….in the last 10 years, the number of children living with their grandparents has increased by 50 percent.”  Another article said, “According to the U.S. Census Bureau six million kids are being raised by grandparents.”

Wow, I thought to myself, I wonder why such high numbers and how are these folks managing? Being the nosy, writer person that I am I decided to ask. I posted questions on several different websites and blogs and asked friends to put me in touch with people they knew who were raising their grandchildren. I sent ten questions to the grandparents who responded and I’ll share those questions with you in just a minute, but first I want to say “Thank You!” to all who responded and to tell you)  that today is Gratituesday (giving thanks on Tuesday) and I’m giving thanks for each of you and for the thousands of other grandparents out there who are stepping up to the plate for their grandchildren.

gratituesdaynov094Here are the ten questions I sent the grandparents who responded to my request.

1. How old is your grandchild now and when did they come to live with you?
2. What are the circumstances that caused you to raise your grandchild?
3. How did other family members feel about the grandchild coming to live with you? Do they feel differently now? if so, why?
4. Describe your relationship with your grandchild.
5. Has this relationship affected your relationship with your other grandchildren?
6. What have been the biggest challenges in raising your grandchild?
7. What have been the biggest rewards?
8. What advice would you have for other men or women who are taking in grandchildren?
9. Who has helped you the most when it comes to raising your grandchild? (church family, your own family, neighbors, etc.)
10. What if anything did you do differently with your grandchild than you did with your children and why?

Answers to all the questions varied but there were some similarities. The main thing I noticed was that all these folks were happy with their decision, and even though there were challenges (finding the energy to keep up was at the top of the list) all of them felt blessed to be able to care for their grandchildren.

Here are some comments they made when asked about advice to other grandparents who may find themselves in a similar situation.

“Guide them without smothering and always remember to take time for a bubble bath or a cup of tea for yourself. If you are refreshed they will feel it.”

“Be sure you the legal authority to do what is necessary for the care and welfare of the child or children. We hired an attorney. We were first awarded “ex-parte” emergency guardianship. Later that was changed to custody. Laws in various sates vary, but we felt it was worth every penny to have an attorney who is experienced in family law.”

“My advice is:  Pray, ask the Lord daily for patience, strength and wisdom; get plenty of vitamins, especially B-12 it really does make a difference.  Teach them respect for themselves and for others.  Today’s world is vastly different than when I grew up.  You have to make sure that your grandchild feels loved and is grounded enough to stand tough against the temptations he will encounter in school and on the playground.  Tough love is necessary sometimes, don’t be afraid to use it.  Don’t be afraid to discipline your grandchildren.  I know some people feel sorry for their grandchilds circumstances and then let them get away with everything under the sun.”

“It took me a while before I really understood I was now in a parenting role. That meant not just food and clothing and a roof, but protecting her even from people who may have been well-meaning but were damaging her emotional growth.”

I am still hoping to hear from more grandparents who are raising grandchildren. If you know of someone in this situation please ask them to contact me at NanaHood. From time to time I will be adding posts specifically for them.

Blessings to you friends! Have a great Gratituesday!

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Grandparents raising grandchildren

Posted by teresak on December 3, 2009 2 Comments

Are you a grandparent raising your grandchildren, or do you know someone who is? The Brookdale Grandparent Caregiver Information Project based at the University of California at Berkeley Center on Aging has said that in the last 10 years, the number of children living with their grandparents has increased by 50 percent.  After reading about this I did some research and decided to create a new category especially for these folks. When I run across articles or information that might be helpful to them I’ll post it here at NanaHood.

The article I read went on to say, “According to a survey by AARP, 31% of adults are grandparents. Of that number, 8% are providing day care on a regular basis, and 3% are rearing a grandchild. The 2000 U.S. Census reports that 6.3% of US children under 18, 4.5 million, live in grandparent-headed households. There are no parents present in the lives of about one-third of these children. In 2005, a survey by the U.S. Census Bureau noted that the number of grandparents raising their grandchildren had risen to nearly six million kids or about 8 percent of kids in the U.S.”

Not too long ago I was a grant writer and one of the grants I worked on required information about the living arrangements of students. It didn’t surprise me to learn that many families were living with grandparents, some with their parents and some without. Many single moms had moved back in with their parents in order to keep a roof over their heads. While this is not the same thing as grandparents raising grandchildren without any help, it can present many challenges too. Remember the show “Everybody Loves Ray”? Can you imagine living in the same house with his mother and trying to be a parent?

Here are just a few challenges that the article mentioned in connection with grandparents raising their grandchildren.

  • They feel more stressed due to concerns about their own health and finances.
  • Housing may be an issue if they are living in a senior citizen complex.
  • The issue of medical care for the children is difficult.
  • There is the loss of time for themselves and their dream of retirement dies.
  • Their social life and circle changes drastically.
  • There is also an emotional toll. Feelings range from fear, anger, exhaustion, resentment, grief, and shame to thankfulness and joy. This type of stress can damage a marriage.
If you are raising your grandchildren or helping raise them I would like to hear from you. What are some challenges you have faced and how have you handled them? Do you have suggestions for other grandparents in the same situation?

Please send your comments or post them and I will be in touch! Blessings to you, my friends. For all you do for children!

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