Because my daughter is getting ready to have her first child I’ve been thinking a lot about what I would do differently if I were going to be a first time parent. After you read mine you may have a few of your own to add. Be sure to share them by commenting.

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Parenting….What I Wish I Had Known

1. Treasure your husband and your marriage just as much as you did before you had children.

By the time I was 30 I had three children. I was also taking care of my terminally ill mother, my elderly grandmother and her sister and I started a new job. Guess who I wasn’t taking care of? Yep, myself and my husband.  Looking back I realize now that I would have been a better parent if I had been a better wife. I should have insisted on a weekly date night, but I didn’t. We should have made a point of going out with our friends occasionally, but we didn’t. There were years when I had tunnel vision. I was so busy just trying to get through all the things I thought I had to do, that I neglected my marriage. Bill and I have been married 31 years now and love each other dearly, but I know that when the kids were little I was more of a mother than a wife. I regret that.

2. Friends -I have always loved spending time with my girlfriends but when the kids were little, I neglected my friendships. Thankfully my besties still love me and now we are getting together more, but I should have made time for them long before now. Another regret.

3. Accept the fact that you will make mistakes. I heard a sermon once on “The Perfect Family.”  Basically, he said there wasn’t one. Which makes sense but for some strange reason when it came to motherhood, I wanted to be perfect. Why? Because I knew there were no do overs when it comes to raising kids. I didn’t want to have ANY regrets. The lesson I learned is that (at least for me) that’s impossible. Some of the time I knew immediately that I had made a mistake, other times it took years before I realized it. Regardless of who we are or what our background is, we are human and humans make mistakes. No matter how badly you want to be the perfect mother or father, you will mess up. Accept it when it happens and move on.

4. Trust your gut. Most of the time I did that and once, it saved my daughter’s life. Rachel was only 7 months old and she had just had her shots. The doctor thought she was having a reaction to the shots. I thought it was more. One rainy night at midnight I trusted my gut and insisted the doctor meet us at the hospital. It was spinal menengitis and for 3 days we didn’t know if our baby would live or die. I could give you an example of when I didn’t trust my instincts, but I think you get the point. There are things that moms just know. Trust yourself.

5. I should have let my husband do more when the first three children were babies. When the twins came along he HAD to do more because I simply couldn’t juggle everything I had been doing. I took care of the older three, but with the twins he changed more diapers, fed more bottles, and played more with them than he ever had the others. As a result they are extremely close. I should have stepped back and let him step up long before I did.

There are lots more things I wish I had known, but that’s a start. Now how about you? What do you wish you had known about raising children?

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by John Lunn

I started a grampy blog a year and a half ago after my son moved back home with his kids. Crammed together in a small New England cape along with our 4 dogs there was no question this had the makings of a great blog: two grandparents giving up their retirement to start raising a family again, a dad who just got custody and didn’t have a clue what to do next, and three boys who couldn’t be different (a 10 year old jock, a cross-dressing 8 year old, and an OCD toddler). As the only woman, my wife had just one demand: “I want my own bathroom.”

Before I could write a word, I had to look inside myself and ask this question (a question that all parent/grandparent bloggers face): how honest and close to the bone should I write? Should I be candid and share what’s really going on in the house – warts, bad moods and all? Or should I do what is more typical and present a rosy impression of being a devoted granddad, complete with lots of smiley pictures and cute anecdotes. As we all know, life lies somewhere in the middle of bad moods and puppy smiles. Life is messy and life in a crowded house full of kids and dogs is the definition of messy.

I’m not sure how any fellow bloggers reading this handle their truths. Do you make a conscious decision to only dig so deep? Do you naturally know where the line for discretion is in your writing, as in your day to day life? If a touchy subject comes up that might fall in a gray area, do you avoid it or write it? I think this is a critical point for for any writer: how much are you willing to expose about yourself to share the truth? Is the truth important?

After researching and reading a number of blogs, I decided if I couldn’t be honest and share real feelings, good and bad, there would be no point to the blog. I try to reach into my thoughts and feelings every time I face the page to get under the piece I’m writing rather than just relate a story. That can be tough. After all, I’m trying to relate the dynamics of a multigenerational household in turmoil. I’ll write about anything as long as I can maintain the dignity of who I’m writing about. When it works, and I share a common truth about an issue, it touches my readers deeply. And when I’ve missed I unintentionally insult my family, which is painful. Sometimes, it’s not easy to know where the line is until after I cross it. Then it’s too late.

As writers, though, we all face this. When you put your foot in it, or say something inappropriate, should we say ‘I’m sorry’, move on and learn from the mistake? Or do we back off and lick our wounds and stop writing with honesty? Shouldn’t we be true to ourselves, even when painful, and true to our subject whether fact or fiction? Another tough call.

I’m a science fiction novelist so writing about the people I love is a challenge. However, I’m developing a sitcom pilot based on this little micro-world so I sure hope my family can take a joke.

How about it? Are you an honest blogger?

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This is Nana Judy and her two precious granddaughters.

This is a mirror she decorated with her mother's and aunt's old jewelry.

Judy says, “As a child I always admired all Mother’s jewelry. I have such fond memories of watching my Mom accessorize herself before Church every Sunday morning. Remember, this was in the late 50′s and 60′s when every female dressed in her finest for Church. Everything from beautiful heels, bags, scarves, pins, earrings and of course hats and gloves!

After my Mom passed, I took all her jewelry home with me with the idea of some day finding a way to display and enjoy these costume pieces. Recently I was in a small shop and saw a small embellished frame and immediately thought of my Mom’s pins and earrings. The fun part has been spreading all the jewelry out on my kitchen table for the last few days…remembering each piece and how Mom would wear it and with a certain dress or suit. ( Isn’t it amazing how we can remember such trivial things, yet at times I momentarily cannot remember a name of someone I see weekly!) I also have quite a few pieces of my Mom’s sister’s jewelry and have incorporated it on the frame as well. They both would be so amazed and love that I’ve made this. Each would love seeing it and discussing every old piece of their costume jewelry.

Now mind you I have saved a few special pieces which I could not tear the back pins and clasps off. This became the challenge; to not destroy the piece of jewelry using my needle nose pliers! After prepping all the pieces I spent 3 days going by the table, placing and rearranging the pins and earrings on the frame, afraid I would like the next design better than the last. I finally had to make peace with my design and began the gluing process with my Tacky adhesive glue.

I still have enough pieces for another frame which I will do so both my granddaughters will have something to remember from another generation. Now I’m looking through old pictures to see if I can find photos of my Mom wearing the jewelry. My oldest granddaughter, almost 5 year old Stella, constantly ask me for stories of my growing up years as well as her Dad’s growing up stories. Now we can look at this frame and I’ll tell Stella stories I remember of my Mom and Aunt Irene wearing these pieces. I’m thinking of tucking a pair of Mom’s very sheer pink gloves under one corner of the frame also. Just for fun!

This summer we will be moving close to Stella and her younger sister Eva. I have in mind to decorate one area of their bedrooms with a couple of my Mom’s hats, gloves and scarves. I’ll also be hunting a place to display a wonderful pair of her beautiful lizard 4 inch heels and a wonderful little silk lined matching bag! Can’t wait!

Memories and Granddaughters is what love is all about…at least in this Mimi’s house!!”
Judy Jolly

Isn’t that just the coolest way to give old jewelry a new life? I’m not the least bit crafty but seeing her creation made me think about some of my mom’s old jewelry. I can’t wait to dig it out and see if I can make one similar to Judys.

How about you?

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I invited my 20 year old twins to help me decide which one was the funniest and this is the one we picked.

So you like to dance? Have you made a video? If so I’d love the opportunity to see it and maybe share it with my NanaHood audience. Make one of yourself dancing with your grandchildren and share it. Come on, you know it would be fun!

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